Saturday, December 4, 2010

i wanted to be..

when i was younger
a lot younger
youngerer
i wanted to be..

a postman
it sounded
heroic
powerful
and recognized by all..
i never knew what it really was
till moments later
silly me..giggles

when i grew a bit
a tiny tinee bit
i wanted to be..
a scientist
i really love watching national geographic
it airs at night
on tv3
it was very fascinating
from there
i learn a lot of things
including english
but i was stress
i tought
" how come these kinda things never came out in exams "
i knew a lot of things
n yet
all of it seems wasteful

between those 2 timeline
i enjoy drawing
i spent the days drawing
all alone in the house
just me
i'll ran off to bathe when mom gets home
n off to school
i cant remember what i did at night
i was really diligent
so i always finish my homeworks at school
n so
i never had homeworks till standard five
still
i cant remember doing any
except for the essay i was scolded to do
around standards 6
i only hear
" become an engineer, become an engineer "

i wanted to be a masked hero
i always daydream of being one
n of coz
they are dreams only

middle school
i felt left out
not having true frens at school
but it wasnt quite a problem
i always hang out cycling with my frens
from the village
we'll go jogging in the weekends
n cycling every evening
later
i think i found some frens..
still
it wasnt a problem
i have a family
n we r quite close
my cousins r close with me
we have gatherings
once every month
more or less
at this time
i wanted to be
a writer
i've been reading quite a lot
english n malay literature
are somtin
if u learn closely
but i never had the push

then
i wanted to be a mangaka
my friend was improving his drawing skills
after seeing mine
i cant draw
but just for fun
watching him so determine
i was attracted too
but not for long

i fell in love with movies
good movies
so
u guess
yeah
i wanted to be NO!
not an actor
i wanted to be
a director
i wanted to make movies
that will change one's life
one's perspective
one's heart
a movie that'll change the world..

but it was a dream
far beyond reach
n so
i wanted to be somtin simpler
a photographer
having the chance to hold a digicam for the first time
i was excited
i love taking photos
still am
but with a slower passion
still passionate
but more relax

then spm
i wanted to be . . . . . . . . . .
i was blank

i fill up a few forms
first
i got the mercedez offer
to be a trainee mechanic
somtin like that
then a diploma program in mechatronic offer
i was immediately told to forget about the mercedez offer
when the the last offer came
the diploma program in mechanical engineering
i was again
told to forget
the previous offer
i was upset
still
i went on with the last offer..

years later
im still alive
attending a different course
at a different place
with the same old me
i wanted to be known
to the world
i wanted to be famous but not rich
i wanted to be happy but not wealthy
for i am tired of hearing
" Blaja ini, senang naik pangkatgaji banyak!"
" blaja ni,snang nk cari kerja!"
" Subjek ni bukan susah pun, my fren said so."
" U dont like it? its not about choosing anymore."
" minat ini semua go to hell lah." I cried...
its always about the pays
bout the status
bout the grades
the promotions
...im sick of it..

i wanted to be..

missing-

2 comments:

Fatine said...

Heyy thanks for encouraging me. I will definitely keep blogging =)

Dasuki D5T7 said...

You're welcome!
will be waiting for your next post.
:)

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